Behind the name:

I was born into Apartheid South Africa. My first association with the word “light” was racial. Lightness was associated with the Apartheid oppressors or the “superior race”, depending on who you were. To be “light” in skin-color gave you political, social, and cultural freedom that darker tones were denied. Even after the inhumane system of Apartheid collapsed, “lightness” was still a ticket to more opportunities, higher social status, and estimated as more beautiful. Beauty stores were, and still are, flooded with creams to “lighten” your skin tone. Black models with lighter tones were awarded for their achievements. The underlying message: Black is bad, white is good. 

I am beginning the explanation about the chosen name for my work and my message to the world by naming this: The complexity, prejudices, and deep pain that me and my country have lived with in relation to the word “light”. This prejudice is universal, I noticed it in India, in Mexico, in Guatemala, and the United States. In most societies light skin and a “light” body are applauded. To be dark and to be heavy is mostly despised or shamed. Why? I believe it is because it reminds people of their inner mess in the hidden compartments of their own internal “cupboards”. 

Why would I want to face those scary and unknown truths when I can ignore them, scroll on the internet, or numb myself with television? Favoring “lightness” in others is an unconscious shut-eye of the true and challenging complexities within me. Dark and heavy is a reminder of the shadow, the unknown, fearful, hidden, and suppressed parts within me, within you, and within society.

My skin color is light, indeed. But my people are Semitic, a nation that has been enslaved, hunted, murdered, ex-communicated, and made homeless for most of our human history. I know in my bones what it feels like to hold the mark of darkness. I have been the one that no one wants to look at because it reminds them of something uncomfortable within THEM. I know.

I am advocating for a lightness that knows and has befriended that darkness. Knows it because it comes from the same place, it is made from the same material and while part of it spins around being hurt and ignored and ashamed of itself, some other part starts to laugh, starts to stand up even if everyone will laugh at it, starts to dye its hair purple and wear wild colors because life is short and it is ENOUGH sitting and hiding in shame. The light emerges from the darkness giving it permission to follow suit, showing it that it can. 

THIS is the lightness that I am talking about.

I’ll give a little anecdote about how this may look in real life: My friend, let’s call him Jim, has been going through a profound healing process for the past year. He has worked through layers of complex childhood trauma, neglect and self-loathing. He sent me a message the other day saying “I feel like a kid again, I’m really weird and goofy and playing a lot, what is happening to me?” You, dear Jim, are actually being your authentic self which is always there under the layers of darkness that builds up. Hooray! You ARE a kid, we all are wild, crazy, happy and curious kids, under it all. He needed to know, dig through and really see all his darkness in order for his light to re-emerge. Thank you Jim!

The potential for befriending the oppressed, ashamed, hidden and demoralized parts of US has an impact not just on us as individuals because it changes the way that we interact with everyone and everything around us, it changes our world, and then the world of our worlds, and on it goes until it can change an entire society. Jim has started helping his sister heal, has used his healing to forgive his mother and has helped his mother forgive herself. Now Jim is helping his friends and band-mates (he’s a musician) set themselves free from their inner-critics and fears. The follow-on impact is HUGE. 

This is one small example. 

Based on this, the converse is also true. I would be bold enough to say that the violent regime of Apartheid found a scapegoat in the black skin of the other because they were in such hatred of something dark and hidden WITHIN THEM. If we can change our relationship to all the parts of oursouls (purposefully misspelled) as humans, as individuals and really learn to love (not always like perhaps, but LOVE) and accept and see all of oursouls especially the parts that hurt, then surely we will be able to see others in the same way? 

Surely we can stop hurting the world around us when we are able to see and befriend our darkness? When we do, it becomes LIGHT simply through it being made visible.

This is the LIGHT that I wish for us to create.

Life is this interesting thing right?

None of us created it. It was given to us. Yet, somewhere along the way we realize that we are creators too. This is a good thing. 

To feel creative and empowered is awesome, and important and can allow us to do really wonderful things on this earth. 

But when we get ahead of the game and think that we can create AND control, that’s where the trouble begins. 

It is at that moment that we have to bring ourselves back to remembering that we did not create our life. We were given our life. 

What does this awareness do? 

It limits our realms of creativity so that we don’t develop a fallacy of control. It moves us to awe, and hopefully humility, maybe even a bit of fear in the face of the mystery of how we got here. This is good. You are powerful, you are creative, you have control TO AN EXTENT. In our limitations in life, we become needy, we need others, we seek connection, we develop community and relationships, find teachers and cultivate friendships. In essence, life is NOT all about you and when you remember that you will actually be happier. 

I don’t know what life is, I have no answers, I am equally baffled and need to remind myself every day to dance between creativity and lack of control. I often fall, I often forget. 

Life: You are a very important part of it. 

In fact the very fact that you are alive now means that the world cannot live without you, you are so so so so super-duper, madly, hugely, magically, and hard-to-believably important. And also, you are part of something much bigger than yourself. 

Life, it’s a big one!

I learned to be a therapist in the theatre. The theatre taught me that we are story-making animals and the role of the audience is to validate the story performed on stage. 

As a therapist I am an audience, a witness, I help you to make the story that you perform real and validated and hopefully encourage you to perform your best story possible, to be the true hero and heroine of everything that life has given you to meet, overcome, and become. 

In theatre, as in life, we construct and direct the action through choices. I am a fussy audience and want you to make the best choices, let the light show your beauty, let your walk be proud, tell the story which makes you want to be your greatest self. 

What makes my job so unique as a therapist is that I have no emotional ties with you, I don’t need you to be anything, I don’t require reciprocity in relationship. I am here to mirror back you and your unfolding life. 

We all need guides, mentors, others to guide us towards our full self. 

Sometimes I enter your life for a chapter, sometimes for a page, and other times for an entire book. This is a dancing, morphing, curiously present audience who wants you to be AWESOME.